When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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