sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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