My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Randomize
