sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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