it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
