i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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