Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
