i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
