Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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