I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
