just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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