just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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