Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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