how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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