All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
