FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
