I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
