i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
