Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
