So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
