my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
