Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
