And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
