I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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