watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
