well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
