true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
