I should be sponsored by Trojan
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
