The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
