i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
