I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
