Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
