Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
