HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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