girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
