There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
