I wish I only lived at night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
