i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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