We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
