Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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