i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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