need another drink. this is the easiest way
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
