Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
