There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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