I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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