I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
