I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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