I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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