i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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