so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
