I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
