Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
