How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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