went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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