WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
high people should be assigned attendants
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
