Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
