He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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