dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
