Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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