I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
