That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
