They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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