I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
