I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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