what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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