I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
