Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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