I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
