this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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