sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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