took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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