Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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