talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
