I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize