come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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