drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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