Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
