dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
