i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
