I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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