I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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