So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
