So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
