On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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