so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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