Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
