Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
