I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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