I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
