Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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