More tranny stories later!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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