were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
