Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
