i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
