We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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