I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize